Born on February 16, 1978, Thomas J. (Tommy) Hrudka passed away on Wednesday, October 9, 2019 at the age of 41 after a long and hard-fought battle with depression laced addiction.  Tommy is survived by his parents Rosann Hrudka (nee Virzi) and Thomas R. Hrudka and his sisters Tanya, Toni, Trisha Frank (Vince), Tami, Traci Provenzale (Tony), and Terri.  Tommy was also the “fun” uncle to 9, a crazy cousin to many, and a friend to absolutely everyone.

 

Tommy was known for his fierce loyalty, easy smile, maddening stubbornness, and easy going nature.  To many, he was the life of the party.  To all, he was an unwavering friend.  And although many knew Tommy only through the lens of the addictions he battled for years, those who were fortunate enough to truly know him will forever remember his infectious laugh, quick wit, and never-ending willingness to help anyone in need. 

 

He was the guy in the bar with $5 in his pocket buying everyone a shot on credit he didn’t have just so that everyone else could have a good time.  He was the guy who, even when he had nothing, always made sure that others had more.  The guy that was quick to poke fun at the expense of everyone but no one more than himself.  

 

Despite his seemingly gregarious personality, Tommy was a bleeding heart and had a sense of empathy so deep that he selflessly wore the pain of others in an effort to help shoulder their burden. He loved with his entire being without ever expecting anything in return.  He was sensitive beyond measure and felt rejection, in any form, to his very core.  Consequently, Tommy felt every brutal slap by a world that did its very best to beat him down at every turn, so much so, that behind his bright smile was an anguish few would ever know existed.

 

For those of you that did not know him well, please know, that Tommy’s final battle with addiction did not come in the same manner as the ones that came before.  This one was different.  This one came after many drug-free years in which Tommy was, for the first time in his life, proud of himself.  Fully engaged, he was working hard to put his past behind him and he was successfully building a new life.  

 

He had started his own company.  He was living on his own.  He had zero debt. His clients absolutely adored him and his repeat and referral business was booming.  By all accounts (even his own) he was thriving.   For the first time in his entire life, it looked as though there was a light at the end of the very dark tunnel he had been crawling through for so long.

 

However, with that success came an enormous sense of loneliness; loneliness, that when served raw alongside the clarity offered by his sobriety was so debilitating that he ultimately turned to the only companion he has ever felt he could rely on: drugs.  Ironically, it was his newfound success that made this battle so devastatingly fatal because with it came a level of shame he had never known. Having never been so high, Tommy could never have predicted how far the fall.  The resulting shame kept him isolated in his own thoughts and ultimately prevented him from reaching out to even his closets friends in his most desperate time of need.

 

So the message, to all of you who knew Tommy but never saw his pain, is that sometimes behind even the brightest smile there is a sadness that cannot be fixed with just the occasional text and that sometimes broken plans mean more to a person than just a scheduling conflict.  Tommy is a lesson for all of us that we have to do better for those we love.  We have to reach out more even when it’s not convenient.  We have to ask the questions that may lead to conversations that require more time and patience than we may have available.   We have to work harder to understand, without judgment, so that we can leave the door open for those that may have a hard time just turning the knob.

 

It is for each of us to show love more blatantly to those who struggle to ask for it, to question the persistent smile, to reach in and pull out the vulnerability even when it’s hiding behind the most fiercely guarded walls.  All Tommy ever wanted in this world was to be loved in the same way that he loved: unconditionally and without reservation. 

 

So please, say “I love you” instead of just “goodbye”.  Give the hug even when it seems out of place.  Provide the help without waiting for the request because you may never know what the difference may be for someone who would have never found the words to ask.

 

As a family, we would have given anything for Tommy to experience in life the peace and freedom that has been awarded to him in death but we take comfort in knowing that he is now surrounded by light, free from the struggle that has haunted him for so long.  So rest in peace our beloved son, baby brother, fun uncle, crazy cousin, and amazing friend.  You were loved beyond comprehension and will be missed eternally by all who were blessed to have known you.

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-Tanya Hrudka